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Friday, August 17, 2012

Bra Etiquette

Can we talk bras for a minute? And by talk I mean, will you listen (with your eyes, of course) while I rant?

Also, feel free to imagine my voice as old and judgmental because there's really no other way to hear it while you read this.

I'm old enough to remember when a peaking bra strap was akin to living in a van by the side of a river. My mother was always tucking straps back in for me or even pinning them when necessary and my friends and I did the same for each other when our mothers weren't around because none of us wanted to be known as "that" kind of girl. Because if a girl let the strap of her bra show in public, she was probably willing to let a lot more show in private.

Reputations were ruined by a disregard for proper bra etiquette.

Well, the times they have a-changed.

Famous people (and I use the term loosely here) feel comfortable not only going out in public, but also being photographed and viewed by millions of people like this:
You look like maybe you have something serious to say, but all I can think is:
 "I know those are fake, so why do they look so saggy?"
 You could be announcing that you've just found the cure for cancer and still, this is all I am going to think.

Really? Have we sunk so low that it's okay to match shoes and accessories to our underwear?
Isn't it bad enough that neon is back in that we shouldn't have to see your wrist, feet AND boobs encased in it?

I know this isn't a new trend. It's been fashionable for years to let a little sexy strap show. And if people would stop  there I could get over it. I mean, the word  "trashy" still flashes through my mind every time I see it, but that's my own issue, not the girls/women who follow the trend.

But yesterday things came to a head when I watched the lady parked next to me IN A BUSY PUBLIC PARKING LOT stand outside of her car, put her 3 hook, double D, nude bra on over her bikini top, take the bikini top off, THEN WALK AROUND IN HER BRA. FOR A LONG TIME.

And here's my problem with that:
1. We were at a lake with dressing rooms where she could have changed.
2.  She was not on the catwalk at the Victoria's Secret fashion show where it's acceptable to wear a bra as apparel as opposed to underwear.
3. Sure her bra covered more than her bikini top, but does this make it a suitable substitute for a shirt?

Clearly our society is in need of a little refresher course on UNDERwear and how to wear it. So, Crazy Bra Bearing Lake Lady, this is for you and all your cohorts (and also for my girlfriends who don't really need it but the bra lady told me to share it with you and I am nothing if not obedient when it comes to strangers in YouTube videos who want to make the world a little more classy).

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Kids, Cows, and California Drivin'

I'm back (sigh) and I know you're dying to hear how the cattle round-up and calf showing went, so I'll tell you. In pictures. Because, you know, a picture's worth a thousand words and I'm really too tired to type that many.

Cattle Round-Up With Very Few Pics of Cows Because It's Hard to Be Both Herder and Photographer at the Same Time. Also, I Thought It Would be Impolite to Let Cows Get Away Since Our Hosts Depend on Them for Their Livelihood and Not Just Their Summer Entertainment...

Cache County Fair Calf Showing Wherein Girl 2 Wins the Show Stick. Cali Girls Represent!

See her scratching the heifer's belly?
That's what you do with a show stick
The stick is also used to get the cow to move
 her feet to the right position.
There she is with her ribbon and her prize stick which she will have little use for in California.
 I, however, will be using it as a Get-Out-of-Bed-Now/Keep-Your-Hands-Off-Your-Sister Stick.
Which you'll have to imagine because my attempt to Google a picture of such a thing failed.
As did this joke without the picture.
Girl 1 is more a cowgirl than a Cali girl.
Calves make her smile more than waves do.
You can only hear so much about how feminine and maternal
 a cow's features are before you get a little bored.

On our drive home I seriously considered packing up and moving to Utah. Mostly so I would never have to do that drive again--because I would already be there.

I also saw a sign just outside of Barstow that said:

And I felt kind of bad because I didn't even know that lanes were fighting for their autonomy. Then I wondered why-- as long as we're trying to end things--we don't put an end to Reckless California Driving. We could make public service announcements that say things like:

"Driving a BMW does not make you impervious to death. Not that I'd care if you died, but it also does not make you impervious to killing other people who are choosing not to weave in and out of lanes while driving 120 mph."


"Do you really want to play chicken with Death right now? Because you're a pretty short distance from Hell when you're in Baker, California."

Ahhh, it's good to be home.