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Friday, June 8, 2012

Band-aids. Dislike.

Ten Reasons Why I am Not Stuck on Band-aids and Why They Don't Stick on Me. Ever.

1. They're gross.
2. That brownish color they come in is even grosser.
3. I know there are Band-aid options now. I don't have to buy the gross brown ones when there are neon, sparkly, Princess, and every other kind of Band-aid available. But that's kind of like putting lipstick on a pig. No matter how you dress it up, a Band-aid is still a Band-aid.
4. They're sticky. I know that's the point, but it doesn't change the fact I don't like sticky things. Not even stickers.
5. They leave behind that gross, sticky, black residue that you have to scrape off.
6. They're hiding something and I don't like secrets. I can handle the truth. I can't guarantee I won't pass out if there's lots of blood involved, but that's preferable to looking at or wearing a Band-aid. And by "lots" I mean not very much.
7. The only way a Band-aid will come off is if you go swimming. The only thing grosser than a working Band-aid is a floating one. I don't think any one wearing a Band-aid should be allowed within ten feet of a swimming pool.
8. The only thing grosser than a floating Band-aid is used Band-aids stuck to the wall so the bloody part shows. I had a friend in high school whose little brother did this with all of his old Band-aids. I never saw the room, but every time I see a Band-aid I imagine what those walls looked like and it makes me gag. I avoid the possibility of my children ever doing this by never buying Band-aids nor allowing them to bleed.
9.  Band-aids never get thrown away. They just end up sticking to something else and then you find them and you have to unstick them from whatever they're stuck to and then they're stuck to you and eww. I'm feeling nauseous thinking about it.
10. Did I mention Band-aids are disgusting? No? Well, they are.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

My Million Dollar Idea: UnPinterest

The problem with taking time off from blogging is that it's hard to get back into it. I can't think of a darn thing to write now that I've got the time to do it again. Plus, I'm getting the feeling either no one wants to blog anymore or every one's on vacation.

So where are you fellow bloggers? Have we all run out of things to say? Or are we too busy finding pictures to pin? Is this what we have been reduced to? Looking at pictures of what people like instead of reading the words they write?

The thing is, I kind of like knowing what people don't like. And how do you pin that? Is there something called UnPinterest for our dislikes? Or are we all just trying to create a perfect space with recipes we'd whip up if we weren't so tired, home decor we'd buy if we weren't too poor, crafty projects we'd make if we weren't so uncrafty, birthday parties we'd throw for our kids if we actually threw birthday parties for our kids.

Or maybe that's just me.

Actually, I hardly ever go on Pinterest. Mostly because I can't remember my password, but also because it's very intimidating. There's just so much to look at, I don't even know where to start.

I do know where I'd start on UnPinterest though: Shades of Gray.

Have you heard of it? If not, you're lucky. It's the latest thing for the modern housewife. Every one's got to have it. It'll spice things up in the bedroom. Turn up the heat. Re-ignite a dwindling flame.
It's Porn for Women.

 Finally. Because apparently we've been missing out, ladies.

The thing is, everyone who is reading it can't put it done. They're staying up all night to read it because they have to know what is going to happen and then they have to move on to the next book. They all say the writing is terrible, but they can't stop reading it.

So my question is, when exactly are they "spicing things up"? Because it kinda sounds like they're just doing a lot of reading. Reading they don't really even enjoy because it kind of sucks. Except for the sex scenes, of course. Which they describe as ridiculous.

I guess I don't understand the appeal, so feel free to explain it to me. Maybe I don't get it because I know it started out as Twilight fan fiction. Since I'm not a Twilight fan to begin with, that's strike one. Strike two comes from the fact that every thing I've read or heard about the book says the writing is truly terrible. I barely have time to read good writing, so I don't want to throw that time away on something that stinks. And finally, it really irritates me that there are so many excellent writers not making any money while someone who doesn't know how to write anything beyond a titillating sex scene is making millions. So, strike three.

And there's my unpin for the day. Go ahead and consider this my Facebook dislike of the day also.  But stay tuned, I think I've found a new blog topic. There are a lot of things I don't like.

Next up: Band-aids.