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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I've Given Up Herding and the Cats Have Gone Feral

     After a 2 1/2 year hiatus from my 3 post blog, I am back!  Is that the clapping of my one follower I hear?  Thanks Sheridan!
     So what have I been doing for the past 2 1/2 years, you ask?  (And I notice you didn't ask after my children which leads me to believe you don't think they are as entertaining as your own--but you are wrong).  Well, for one, I moved.  Which is probably why I started a blog one day anyway.  To avoid the packing.  And then I was unpacking.  For a year.  Then there was some furniture buying and decorating to do.  That took two years.  And there was that game on Facebook I spent a lot of time playing but can't remember the name of now.  That was a year well spent. 
     I did some other stuff too, like forget how to get to my blog.  I found it again just recently.  But then lost it.  Luckily I found it again today and will bookmark it so as not to lose it.  Once I've figured out how to keep track of this slippery thing, I'd like to change the title/url/whatever-it's-called-at-the-top-of-the-page thingy.  Mostly because it's pretty long and I couldn't remember exactly what it was which made finding it even more tricky.  But also because I've given up herding the cats (by which I mean my offspring, not real cats which I don't like ever, whereas my children I only dislike occasionally) who are currently running feral somewhere in my neighborhood.  I call it "expanding their minds by using their imaginations."  My neighbors call it neglect and have started leaving bowls of milk out in an attempt to tame them.  Good luck with that!
     Speaking of feral animals, I was reading in the paper this morning (while yelling at my kids to quit reading and get ready for school) about San Diego County's feral pig problem.  Apparently rural San Diego--yes it exists--is chock full of wild pigs.  Besides evoking images of Lord of the Flies, these pigs are a problem because they eat the native animals' dinners (rude), and some kind of acorn that grows into something environmentalists like.  But that's not all.  They also, reportedly, chased a bicyclist who had to climb a tree to get away from them.  Clearly they have to be stopped.
     And they will be, if San Diego has it's way.  The county wants to hire people to eradicate the pigs anyway possible.  Even by shooting them from helicopters if necessary.  Sow (get it?) why am I telling you this?  Because here's the irony of the whole situation:  guess who is against San Diego's plan.  Well, PETA, obviously, because they don't find shooting wild pigs from helicopters to be very ethical (they should maybe give those pigs a good talking to about the ethicality of eating things they shouldn't and harassing men clad in bike shorts).  But also Ted Nugent.  Because he thinks only wusses (I'm editing the Nuge here) kill things with anything other than a crossbow (I may have actually forgotten his real reason for objecting to the plan, but this is probably close enough.)
     Here are some other things I have learned today:
1)  If you drop a bowl full of cracked eggs on the floor, that mess will be hard to clean up.  Unless you have a dog.  In which case, let her earn her keep and get a nice shiney coat in the process.
2)  If you decide (with the help of a pleading friend) to make lemon bars for some PTA thing, you should have enough lemon to do so.  Otherwise they will lack that lemony flavor you're looking for in a lemon bar.
3)  Also, if you forget to put the flour into the lemony part of the mix, they will not set.  Put them in the fridge until they are set enough to be cuttable and then try, unsuccessfully, to shape them back into squares.  Then, if you are me, send them to the PTA thing-a-ma-jig anyway because you've already wasted four eggs-- shiney dog coat excepted-- and you're not going to waste all of that sugar and butter too.

7 comments:

Melanie Jacobson said...

HAHAHAHAHA!

Now you have two followers which means Sheridan and I can slap each other a high five.

Alyssa said...

For a split second I read that you made lemon bars for a PETA thing... I hope you don't mind me snooping your blog-- I will be a regular as long as you keep posting funny stuff like this (no pressure).

Beth Freestone said...

Love it Brit! You and Lysa (aka Alyssa) can have funny blog wars starting NOW! 1-2-3 be funny....

Dixie said...

I have no time these days to blog my own posts...only time to waste reading others. :) Your address has now been added to mine. Maybe soon I will come out of my slump and post something. Until then, feel free to catch up on old entries. :) dixieandbrandon.blogspot.com

Professor Whitney said...

Hope the dog doesn't barf. and don't change the url . . . I like it, it's very descriptive.

If the wild pigs migrated north, they might scare the feral cats back inside and you would no longer have to herd them.

Brittany said...

Thanks everybody!
Lysa, of course keep snooping. I will now be snooping yours

CaJoh said...

And I thought that my 10 month absence was a lot.

The best of skill in getting back to writing.