Throwing Up With The Kardashians

I don't usually watch TV during the day. In fact, I don't really watch a lot of it at night either. Especially if it's reality TV (I make an exception for The Amazing Race and, occasionally, Intervention. Okay, and Hoarders, but only because it comes on after Intervention and sometimes I just can't look away).

But I've cancelled the daily paper so sometimes I don't have anything to look at while I eat lunch. So the other day I turned on the TV while I ate. And do you know what was on?

This:


And I got sucked in. Kind of like with Hoarders. Except it made me sicker than even that show does. And no matter how much they make up that one sister who doesn't get to take New York wherever it is Kim and Kourtney are taking it, she is still not cute. So when I got to the second commercial break, I changed the channel.

And do you know what was on that channel?

The Departed.

The edited version. So, of course, I had to watch. Because I've seen the original and I was pretty curious how they were going to clean that up enough to still have some story left.

I remembered it had a lot of language, but I had forgotten this part:

Which doesn't look so bad in this picture. But see that plastic bag at Jack's elbow? It's got a severed hand in it. A bloody one. And I tried really hard to find a still frame of him while he's waving that thing around, but I couldn't. So you'll just have to take my word for it that it's gross.

But I chose to watch that over the Kardashians because it didn't make me want to barf the way they did. And I get grossed out by band-aids, people. When my kid got three stitches, she didn't cry, but I passed out. So that's saying something when I can stomach a severed hand, but not a couple of reality TV stars.*

Here's the thing, though. I'd rather watch a story about people who could be real--even if they are really terrible people--than a story about people pretending to be real.

Phoniness makes me nauseous. So Kim and company have been added to my list of things I cannot look at. They are right up there with any kind of bandages stuck to anything (particularly any area near a swimming pool) and snakes eating things.

Which is seriously going to infringe on my People and US Weekly consumption. So please keep me informed as to how the stars are continuing to be just like the rest of us, because I can't take a chance on another Kardashian encounter.

* And also, The Departed has Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio who I have no problem looking at.